I can’t think of a text message that didn’t rob me of the opportunity to hear the places where someone stuttered, or sighed, or paused. It’s in the pauses that we hear everything. August 2019. 10am on Monday morning. I leave my therapist’s office and drive down Pacific Coast Highway to pick my grandmother up at her home in San Clemente to take her for breakfast. It’s a sleepy town of retired pro surfers, Volkswagon buses with surf boards hanging out the back…

I wanna be your cowboy. strike that. I wanna be the horse I wanna be that horse who carries you. heartbeats synced beneath our feet I keep tracing air for your- I love every single thing about those hands how they hold the gold rush my hat still in my…

Our bodies and minds weren’t created to travel at the speed a car or plane can carry us. We aren’t equipped to take in all the information whizzing by us while traveling at that speed. Neither are we equipped for the speed of the lives we live. Spring in India. I find myself in the very back of a van with the windows down in the heat as we make the six hour drive, up up up, into the Himalayan Mountains where we will spend several days with a guru at an ashram engaging in meditative silence…

We regret what we said but maybe more what we didn’t. So I write. I write like I’m losing fingers and may never have the chance again. Because I am. Losing fingers. Toes. What parts does she not own. I was shopping for a new mattress. I read all these reviews on the ones that come in a box and puff up when the air hits them. There was this one with a zipper. Don’t open the zipper, they said. They don’t tell you there’s fiberglass inside. It explodes…